As I am sure we all know, within the equestrian world there are a lot of people with strong opinions! Livery yards can be one of the harshest places to be if you want to do things in a slightly different way – this does not mean that the path you are taking is wrong. Every person has their own opinion and if you ask for someone’s opinion on a scenario then be prepared for the other person to have a different opinion – this doesn’t mean that either is wrong, but be prepared for the good, the bad and pushy, you asked, so don’t be offended. So how to stop caring what others think about you or your training?
How do you not take on board what others think?
Quite simply – don’t ask other people’s opinions. Although we sometimes want to know other people’s opinions of us, it isn’t actually necessary to know what other people think of you. There of course is a time and place to ask for people’s help or opinions, it is just important to work out when, who and what to ask about. The key point to remember is not to worry about other people’s opinions and more importantly not to let it other people getting in your way of your progression.
A good example would be in dressage, if you enter a dressage test, you have asked and paid for someone to ‘assess’ your test and provide their expert opinion. You will normally see both positive and negative marks or comments on your test sheet. Their opinion should matter to you, as their constructive comments can be taken onboard to help you move forward with your training.
Blocking people’s opinions can be hard, it is difficult to shut down the internal voice that cares about what others think about, the most important thing here is to notice that voice that is swirling in your head and try to dismiss the worry, as you are on your own journey, which will have its up and downs. The more time you spend on yourself the farther you will travel in your personal equestrian journey, if you take other opinions onboard then your energy will be spent trying to fit in or do something that you aren’t 100% happy doing.
I have personally struggled with this concept over the years and to progress forward I have had to focus on my goals, put my energy into myself and my horse and not others. I have come up against negative opinions over the years and have found that I tend to keep my training opinions to myself and do not ask other people’s opinions. However I have noticed over time that people or friends which used to have a bit of an aversion to my training, slowly start to ask my opinion on their riding or horse training and ask for my help. It took some time for me to realise that I didn’t have to fit in with everyone and that it is ok to do things differently with your horse and in all aspects of your life!
If you are struggling with the above then why not try setting yourself some goals
This can be useful to remind yourself on your purpose and your end goal. No matter on the size of your goal for the day, it could just be sitting on your horse for a first time in a while – you were both relaxed and so that was your goal achieved, so that’s where you finished your session – short and sweet, but safe and fulfilling, ready to build on it in the next session. These small goals will help you gain confidence and build on your experiences together without a pressured environment. We all know that setting and progressing towards our goals can be scary and challenging, but all in all we all feel this way at some point in our lives and when we face these small fears they help us grow as an individual and as a partnership with our horse. Sometimes you may feel uncomfortable whilst you are on your journey, but when you learn to embrace this feeling or overcome the challenges you will get a feeling of achievement.
The end result isn’t the key point here – the journey to you goal is where the magic happens
It is easy to allow a challenge or fear to get in the way of our dreams or goals, it is much more difficult to ignore or push through the fear. Goals are important to have, but learning to enjoy the journey to achieve your goals is key to fulfilling your goals. You have to be determined and align your training to your goals, take it in your own time, rushing very rarely helps as we tend to skip important steps along the way and evidently we have to revert back to ‘fix’ the thing we skipped. There is no rush, seek out like minded people, get control of your mind and only take on board the opinions that matter, disregard the rest.
Don’t let fear of being judged for doing something different or not being good enough get in your way, as unfortunately this will limit your progress towards your goals. Think about your own journey, it is no one else’s business, focus on you and your horse – treasure that relationship is it is so important. We all have opinions and that is ok, keep yours to yourself and keep others out of your mind.
